The Jerk

Shawn | July 24, 2009 in Journal | Comments (0)

Everyone gets moody, has an off day. I’m a social person though that has always excelled at making small talk and sharing pleasantries even when things aren’t going well. I don the ‘happymask’, make a joke, poke fun at myself, get kidding around and soon I’m even fooling myself into thinking everything’s coming up roses. I was such a jerk today.

I stared at nothing and pretended to listen while friends & coworkers shared valued thoughts with me. I was curt to strangers. I cut people off in traffic.

Today I wanted to turn and walk away from people while they talked to me. I wanted to yell at people to leave me alone. I didn’t smile at them and make them laugh today instead. Could they see my disdain?

My father is coming for the weekend tomorrow after asking him several times this past few months. I’ve changed my mind. Our personalities are a volatile mix on a perfect day. I want to hide in my room with the shades drawn until he leaves. Maybe I should.

People say that everyone is entitled to a few bad days. I’m not sure when the last time was that I let myself have one publicly. I feel awful. I was such a jerk today.