Let's All Stare at the Sun
It came out today and I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.
I’ve managed to put a few posts up here in the past couple of months but none have really been anything but reposts of interesting news or blurbs about some thing, some excited rants about what cool little widget I’ve decided to latch onto and make into my escape for a moment. I’ve slowed down on the genealogy research, haven’t written anything for real here in quite some time, and keep putting off songwriting, art making, and other goals I’ve set. I just seem to sleepwalk between work and home. From monitor to monitor, terminal to terminal, to movie, to video game, to email, to myspace… The phosphors flicker and I stare.
I’ve been really sick twice in two months, have gained back about 13 pounds and feel tired all the time. No matter how early I go to bed I can’t seem to sleep until it’s way too late. I’m in a pattern here and it’s making me feel so shitty. Seasonal Affective Disorder has me and I can’t seem to shake it off. Why is alcoholism so prevalent in New England you ask? Spend a winter holed up in your shanty here and tell me you don’t long for a stiff drink every second after the third week.
I’m tired of being cold and inside. I’m tired of waiting all week for the weekend and when it arrives not having anything to be excited about anymore. I’m tired of feeling tired, eyes all swollen and red, butt numb and back aching from hunching over into a computer screen all day.
I am glad though for my ability to see for a change that it’s the season that’s getting to me. I’m glad that work is going well. I’m glad I’m not poor. I’m glad I’m still sober. I’m glad for the music, lots of good music to help me through until spring windows open. I’m glad for D&D on Sundays. I’m glad for Wednesday night bowling, though I apologize I’ve been opting out so often lately guys. And I’m glad the clocks are getting set forward this Sunday.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited for it in all my life.
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Shawny, Today is my first day here and I have to say that I really like it. You are always an inspiration even when you’re not inspired.
I hope you are doing well, doot!!!
BTW, I couldn’t agree with you more about Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have had it for a long time.
Rather than drinking (Not that I don’t think about it) I have been exercising religously. It makes me feel freakin great. And no, I’m not pumping iron with the rest of them, but I am getting my heart rate up which helps me sleep much betta…