Letter to a Stranger No.2

Shawn | September 25, 2007 in Journal | Comments (5)

Dear Asshole in the Red Pickup Next to Me at the Stoplight,

You are such a man.

I am thoroughly impressed with your toughguyitude. ‘Linin’ em up’ with whomever is lucky enough to be next to you at each and every stoplight in town, you waste no time ‘Gettin R Doooone’ in the redneck rally you’re perpetually driving in. Your deft command over your beastly ca. 1990 Ford F150 was dizzying, or perhaps that was the cloud of noxious fumes it left behind. And as if I hadn’t been emasculated enough by your ace driving skills, blinding speed, and sneering backward glance, I nearly shat myself when you slammed your brakes on upon seeing me behind you giving the universal jerk off hand signal! Whew, I almost tasted pure Buxton Steel! Narrowly escaping a Stone Cold can of Whuppass, I trod lightly the rest of the evening reflecting on my inferiority. I will now forever dwell in the cold shadow of your giant cock and balls.

Your humble servant,
Faggot in the Dodge Neon

Comments (5)

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Comment by Hugh Simpson — September 26, 2007 @ 12:39 am
that my uncle ya yankee!
Comment by Shawn — September 26, 2007 @ 1:53 am
Your uncle is a jerkoff, you crosseyed rebel douchebag… hehe, Hi Bryan!
Comment by Amy — September 26, 2007 @ 3:31 am
Hey- I think I saw that guy while I was at the laundromat tonight. He sure sounds about right….skinny, but with a generous sized beer gut, white wife-beater, skin tight, Castrol baseball cap that he probably got free with the purchase of a case of motor oil, and his baby-mama, who, when standing alongside him, completed the real-life personification of Cletis and Brandeen from the Simpsons, while their children, who looked pretty much like genetic duplicates of their parents (probably due to the lack of variation in the gene pool), took refuge on the only couch in the place, stretching out like they lived there (I wouldn’t put it past them)to watch free cable and eat their nutritious dinner of Mountain Dew and Dunkin Donuts Munchkins. Yeah, that sure was a treat.
Come to think of it, you had it pretty easy- at least your redneck sped away…
Comment by jarod — September 27, 2007 @ 3:07 am
yo….i think thats guy who would single me out every time i went into that pool hall in presque isle because i had long hair and metal in my face. yeah, thats him.

come to think of it, how could i have ever considered my life to be complete for the past seven years when i didn’t have to follow this asshole to and from work every morning? dude, what was i thinking?
Comment by Shawn — September 27, 2007 @ 3:12 am
Yeah, I was lucky. *sigh* That’s why I avoid the laundromat -in this neighborhood especially! The Brook is full of these guys and G’d up whiteboy thug wannabe JACKASSES. I think Cletis lives upstairs from me, right next to Dj Jazzy Trevor Love III… Ugh, I gotta move outta this dump