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Contentment makes for boring content?
Someone take away my GLeeMONEX will you please 
Yep, I’m happy. Pretty lame huh? Sure doesn’t make for juicy news does it? Not like this blog has ever been about me airing all my drama or anything, but it seems like my best work be it art or writing or what have you, comes from a darker place. Understanding arises from conflict. I’ve been conflicted for a long time. I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve struggled against all sorts of adversity (mostly self imposed, at least initially, but..) & it’s made for all sorts of creative ideas/outlets.
I share, that’s how I work things out, how I vent, release. This blog is just an extension of that. As I’ve gotten older I feel like I get tired of hearing myself talk about my issues, though I’ve gotten a thousand times better. Now, with the blog, I feel I don’t have to bother anyone with it. I don’t know if anyone really even reads this thing but it still makes me feel better just knowing it’s out there for some reason. Beyond extroverted, I know.
And now I’m sitting here telling you I’m happy. What kind of interesting content comes from this place? I’ve always found happier subject matter to seem trite and well, silly. The last thing I want to do when I’m looking to be inspired or entertained is listen to some schmuck talk about how beautiful the world is.
With that said, I’ll spare you the gory details fair readers and just say that I’ve met someone special and am venturing into a new relationship for the first time in years. I’m walking around with an obnoxious grin on my face all day. I am floating. It’s always magical in the beginning, full of hope and excitement. I’ll be back with juicier news when we start to hate each other. Let’s hope it’s not for a while 
.
Hands in the air!
Glass Garden
By: Sonorous
Blast from the past! One from my E honeymoon.
This tune still gives me chills, makes me smile
.
The Jerk
Everyone gets moody, has an off day. I’m a social person though that has always excelled at making small talk and sharing pleasantries even when things aren’t going well. I don the ‘happymask’, make a joke, poke fun at myself, get kidding around and soon I’m even fooling myself into thinking everything’s coming up roses. I was such a jerk today.
I stared at nothing and pretended to listen while friends & coworkers shared valued thoughts with me. I was curt to strangers. I cut people off in traffic.
Today I wanted to turn and walk away from people while they talked to me. I wanted to yell at people to leave me alone. I didn’t smile at them and make them laugh today instead. Could they see my disdain?
My father is coming for the weekend tomorrow after asking him several times this past few months. I’ve changed my mind. Our personalities are a volatile mix on a perfect day. I want to hide in my room with the shades drawn until he leaves. Maybe I should.
People say that everyone is entitled to a few bad days. I’m not sure when the last time was that I let myself have one publicly. I feel awful. I was such a jerk today.
Prepare to be Impressed by the Incredible Live Sounds of Dub FX
I can’t stop watching/listening to this. His name is Dub FX . I’m beyond impressed with this guy. Near studio production quality tunes done live with an effects rack and some raw talent. That’s powerful stuff.
According to Last.fm:
Dub Fx the street-loop-beatboxer grew up in St Kilda / Melbourne / Australia performing in various bands before hitting the world-wide road. Dub Fx uses Roland BOSS effect & loop pedals to create sounds which when layered creates a live musical construct. Predominantly Dub Fx can be found busking through Europe with his Girlfriend the ‘Flower Fairy’ who also performs along side.
Let’s all bug him to come to the States!
Here’s another great song that will give you a better idea of how he builds and performs them live.
Please go buy his album if you like this. It is excellent!
.
When It Hits You Feel No Pain Pt. III
Just sharing another song that gets under my skin. Feeling like you’re standing still for so long, only to be “catapulted” into motion but not quite sure where you’ll land is something I can relate to.
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are.
That line gets me every time. Powerful, moving. When asked what it is that I would hope to find in another, I think the onion eventually gets peeled down to (among a few important others) “someone who cares/listens/is on my side”. It’s what I seek at its basest, simplest form. It’s that kind of loving acceptance that moves life meaningfully forward.
I’m tired of knowing that this is what I hope to achieve but never reaching for it. I have left square one.
Square One
By: Coldplay
You’re in control is there anywhere you wanna go?
You’re in control is there anything you wanna know?
The future’s for discovering
The space in which we’re traveling
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are.
Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass,draw me a map
I’m on the top I can’t get back
Whoah. Woah.
First line of the first page
To the end of the last place
You were looking
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are
It doesn’t matter who you are
Oooh.
You just want somebody listening to what you say
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are
It doesn’t matter who you are
Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one
And if you come undone as if you’d been run through
Some catapult that fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you’re stuck in square one.
Home?
“How long ya home for?”
“Just the weekend.”
Folks around home just nod their head in a silent understanding. They know why I keep my visits to a minimum, there’s not much here anymore. East Millinocket looks pretty ragged nowadays. The streets I ran and skateboarded on, pavement all cracking, grass poking through. The general store I played video games & pinball at every night after school, long closed. The lot where workers once parked to enter the mill coming into town, now full of cars, motorcycles and snowmobiles for sale. Many of the friends I graduated with no longer come back, their families relocated in search of work once the mill laid off and showed no hope of improving.
Things move slower here than I remember. Not much changes, or should I say, not much progresses. The mill is closed again due to lack of orders and money is drying up. People are leaving and those that stay are feeling the weight of the economy. Nothing new lasts. Nothing seems to get repaired. My hometown is in its death throes.
I sadly feel aloof now from the town I grew up in. I’ve changed. East Millinocket was never going to be enough for me but I always had a soft spot for the pace and peace of small-town life. No matter where I’ve been it’s been an anchor. But now watching its population dwindle, its streets and homes weather, seeing the tote roads I hunted since I was a teenager cleared and cut in desperate attempts to step up production for diminishing demand, my memories start to fade with the years and many of the faces that made this town home have all moved on.
It will always be where I grew up, where my family is, where I learned my most important life lessons, but it hurts my heart a little to know now that it will never be home again.
Feed Your Ears: Electrothrashmix by Vik44
I’d like you all to know (or know a little more) about a local Portland ME electronic dance producer named Abe Grivois that happens to be a close personal friend of mine. Under his Vik44 moniker Abe creates music that embodies a mind in motion and constant transition/evolution. He is a creative excavator of sound, the mad scientist of Portland’s Milled Pavement Records imprint. It’s been a thrill for me to watch & listen to Abe’s unique brand of EDM grow and evolve over the past 8 or so years. After listening to this debut Vik44 mix effort, I am excited (but not surprised) that my lofty expectations continue to be surpassed.
1-Si Begg _Come_Correct_Original_Mix
2-LELE -Breakfast (Mercury Remix)
3-Bodyrox,Luciana -What_Planet_You_On_Deadmau5_Mix
4-Pryda -Europa_Original_Mix
5-Adam Freeland -Hate_Original_Mix
6-FukkOfff -I_m_A_Freak_Original_Mix
7-Alex Gopher – Aurora (Shinichi Osawa Remix)
8-far to loud -You_Know_The_Sound_feat__Subsource_Original_Mix
9-Deadmau5 – Ghosts N Stuff (Dirty Disco Youth Remix)
10-Hadouken! – Crank It Up (Noisia Remix)
Released by: milledpavement / Brick City Media
Vik44 is an INTP with ADD. Having a hard time staying with one sound, Vik44 moves from genre to genre. From minimal techno, glitched breaks to trip-hop he feels at home. Music is the only thing that slows his racing mind. For Vik44 music is an addiction, a lifestyle. He feels most comfortable alone in a pair of headphones. Removed from the real world to create his own.
In college Vik44 played guitar in the metal band Inventing Zero. During this time Vik44 spent more time putting drum machines through stomp boxes then he did guitars. Around the same time he was introduced to the world of mod trackers. After Inventing Zero’s breakup Vik44 dove into his electronic music. While going to school for art, Vik44 would apply the philosophies and ideas he learned in classes to create music with texture, contrast, emotions, and substance.
While not afraid of writing laid back tracks, Vik44 live is all about energy and performance. Live he favors playing more danceable energetic techno and breaks. Often teaming up with longtime friend, and fellow Milled Pavement artist Metris to create intense live sets that have been compared to the Crystal Method.
Discography
2009 – Vik44- Was Never White (Milled Pavement)
2008 – VA- Goose Bumps 2.0 (Milled Pavement)
2007 – Project Dark- The Director’s Cut (Milled Pavement)
2007 – VA- beats.on.the.rocks Vol.2 (brick.city.media)
Passing Thought #1001 (revisited)
Posted by me on Twitter 12/2/2008:
“Delayed reaction from this weekend: No I haven’t lost weight. Stop asking every time you see me.”
My thoughts on this the following day:
Not much else needs to be said here I guess, hence the simple beauty of twitter. I wonder at what point this trend goes from annoying to just plain insulting. It’s starting to tip the scales.
Even a simple, albeit vapid, “lookin good!” [*wink* and/or * thumbs up*] would be better. Pointing out sore spots isn’t complimentary. Save your sentiments for when you can actually, genuinely see a difference, then I’ll appreciate it.
That was a deciding moment. It’s been 7 months and 28 pounds later and I’d love it if you asked. Ask away. Thanks
When It Hits You Feel No Pain Pt. II
The title of this post refers to my earlier post of same name, where a song caught me off guard surprising me with an emotional response. In this case it wasn’t the lingering sting of a long lost relationship, but the bittersweet memories of past struggles and ultimately a sense of achievement in getting past them. This is such a beautiful song. It’s sung and recorded in such an honest and simple way with words that cut straight to me. I remember the days, months, all that time, waiting for something positive to happen in my life rather than going out and making it happen. I’m not that person anymore. I finally feel as if mine has begun. I wonder what’s ahead?
WAITING FOR MY REAL LIFE TO BEGIN
Album : “Going Somewhere”
(written by: Colin Hay / Thom Mooney)
Colin Hay
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
I’ll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I’m waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I’ll check my machine, there’s sure to be that call
It’s gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It’s just that times are lean
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin
On a clear day
I can see a very very long way
